He is cute, I am not

Today while playing on the floor with his trucks Finn Said " Mommy I enjoy interaction!" The thing is someone on the TV just said that and he was repeating it but it cracked us up. It is true, he enjoys interaction and is always trying to get us to play with him.
A couple of days ago we were in the car coming back from the mall and I was feeling a bit defeated. We had gotten a bill for medical stuff that happened last year and should have been covered by the insurance that Kate had at the time but wasn't. It was the latest in pile of bills that come when you think you might finally be doing well. Anyway I was moody and quiet and trying to explain to Kate why while Finn asked question after question in the back seat. I told him to wait a minute while daddy was talking and he kept asking and asking. I snapped at him "Finn I need you to SHUT UP for 2 minutes!" and even before the words left my mouth I felt like an ass. Finn clammed right up, not saying another word for a minute and then saying to Kate, "Daddy says shut up Finn." I turned and to him and told him I was very sorry for saying that, I was wrong and should not have said that to him. He said "It's OK daddy." Later while we were driving he said "Sometimes daddy says no, and sometimes daddy says shut up." I wanted to cry, I know I will say and do terrible things but knowing that doesn't take the sting out of it when you have just done it.

Cousins

A little look back at me and my cousin Doug. We are one week apart in age but apparently I am gaining weight a little quicker. It may be because I have both spoons though. I think those were Doug's smokes, that's how he stayed so thin, his pack a day habit. Thanks for sharing this picture Aunt Jamie!

But it wasn't a truck

We were all sitting in our bedroom, Kate on the couch with Henry; Finn, Jake and I on the floor watching a little TV and playing with the cars. Jake was exploring the space trying to see what he wasn't supposed to play with and what was OK. I turned to see what Jake was getting into and when I looked back there was a truck coming at me. It hit me in the lip as I was laying on the ground and there was Finn finishing his follow through. I immediately got up and grabbed Finn to take him to timeout. I told him he does not throw trucks and that hurt Daddy when he hit him with the truck.

"You hit me right in the face with that truck and now I have an owie on my lip!"

I put him in his timeout chair and closed the door. He was crying and calling for me saying

"I'm sorry I hit you in the face with the truck daddy!" "i'm sorry I hit the truck in the face with daddy" "I'm sorry, I'm sorry for trucks!"

I waited for him to calm down a bit and for me to calm down as well after taking a matchbox car to the mouth at 3 feet away. Then I went in and sat on the bed and asked him

"Why did you throw the truck at me Finn?"

Crying almost hysterically he responded

" I'm saw saw sorry daddy for for for......Daddy it wasn't a tr tr truck, it was a semi!"

It was all I could do to keep from laughing. He knew he was in trouble and that throwing the truck was wrong but he couldn't let this go on any longer. It wasn't a truck, it was a semi and if he was going to have to face the punishment he wanted the record to clearly reflect the make and model of the thrown vehicle. He apologized for throwing the Semi and at me and told me that we only throw balls. H asked if he could kiss my owie for me and then grabbed my lips with both hands and pulled them to him still sobbing a little bit. I am amazed at how quickly you can go from having a good time to being so angry with him you could scream to fighting back laughing because they are so freaking cute. It is a rollercoaster ride this parenting.

Look at me daddy my daddy

"Look at me, LOOK AT ME HENRY, look at me." Finn says while guiding Henry's face towards his so he can sing to him. Finn likes to look you in the eye when he is talking to you, or singing, or kissing, or doing just about anything with you. He wants to know your listening, know that you can see him and understand him. He seems to be from an earlier time when things like that mattered, when men were judged on the strength of their handshake and the eye contact they maintained. I think Finn would have been as well liked back then as he is now at Aunt Barbs house for Thanksgiving. He is trying to tell the dog something and nose to nose as he looks the dog in the eye. The dog doesn't seem to appreciate the jesture as much as people do. Come to think of it Henry is not such a big fan either. I am a fan though, I love it when he grabs my face and turns me to look at him. Then that little hand lingers on my beard while he explains to me the difference between a tow truck and a tanker truck. I love seeing him try to get eye to eye with another kid to say hi to them or to apologize for taking their toys. I hope that trait sticks with him as he grows. I hope that he can always look people in the eye because he has the confidence and the clean conscience that it takes to do that. We just have to work on firming up that handshake now.

Zen and the art of Child Rearing

It’s the middle of the third quarter and the Lakers 4 point lead has turned into a 9 point deficit in the last 3 minutes. Smush is bringing the ball up looking to the sideline to see if Coach Phil Jackson is going to call time out. This seems like a dumb move since I know he’s not going to call it, the other team knows he’s not going to call it, hell the cheerleaders preening on the sideline know he’s not going to call it. Phil doesn’t call time outs in that situation because he wants the guys on the floor to work it out themselves. He has been like that through all 9 championships, 4 books, and countless wins so he might be on to something.

As I’m yelling at Smush through my computer screen Finn is screaming in the other room. It is close to midnight and Finn has been having a rough go at it this evening. I have been in and out of his room most of the night and he calms down for a couple of minutes but then winds back up. Kobe kicks the ball out to Odom for a jumper and 2 points and then the Lakers steal the ball and score again. They are working it out themselves just like Phil knew they would and I think I need a little more Zen in my child care. Finn needs to learn to work things out himself as well. I don’t need to call a time out right now and go soothe him, this is an opportunity for him to expand and learn how to soothe himself. So I watch the game and tell Kate it’s OK, let him work it out when she wakes up and starts to go to Finn.

After about 45 minutes of Finn failing to work it out himself Kate finally gets up, gives Finn his bottle and puts him back to sleep where he sleeps soundly through the night. In the morning Kate asked me why I let him cry so long and I told her about the Lakers, about Phil Jackson and his Zen coching style. I told her I was letting him work it out, not calling a time out, giving Finn the opportunity to see he had it in him all along. Kate rolled her eyes at me saying rather patronizingly “So your taking your parenting cues from a basketball coach now?” Then kissed me on my forhead and said “You’re an idiot honey.” As she headed off to bathroom I knew she was right. Then I thought: I wonder how John Wooden would have handled the situation.