You must have been a beautiful baby, cause baby look at you now! 

Early pricing trip

Just for fun Kate and I decided to go into Babies R Us and have a look around at all the baby tackle we would need. We were overwhelmed by the aisles and aisles of stuff from breast pumps to teething rings. Did you know Jeep makes strollers and cribs? Forgive my Seinfeld imitation but what's the deal with that? I mean when did they come up with the business plan of off-road vehicles and baby cribs? We walked around and shook strollers, kicked the swings, and sat in every rocking chair in the joint. When all was said and done we came to two conclusions: This baby is gonna need a lot of stuff, and we aren't getting any of it there!

What to expect....

Kate's boss has given us a goodie bag of books on pregnancy including the bible of expectant mother "What to Expect when your Expecting". Kate started to casually skim through the book and immediately had to run to the store to revamp our pantry. No more caffeine and sugar, instead whole grains and protein. There were many books for me in the grab bag as well and the stuff geared for fathers is much less alarming but no less poignant.

...your wife needs all the attention you can give her. She, after all, is trying to get used to the idea of carrying a small human being around inside her, which is an infinitely more unsettling experience than anything you think your going through!

My mother also gave me some wise words, as mothers are want to do, regarding the unknown. She told me not to "borrow on worry", meaning don't worry about things that may or may not happen but to let the story unfold as it goes. Address issues as they come up, don't worry them into being. Pretty wise woman that Debbie!

When to tell

Once Kate and I had a couple of days to process, as best we could, the news of our pregnancy the tension of who to tell and when started to mount. I called my brother and Kate called her sister right away. Mark was my best man and he is my best friend. I wanted to hear his excitement and I needed to hear his encouragement and he exceeded my expectation on both fronts. Meg was Kate's Maid of honor and her best friend as well and she got an equally celebratory and wise response. It felt good to say it, to bask in the excitement and to lean on those closest to us while we caught our breath. Now who do we tell? When do we tell them? Should we wait for the Dr first? I wanted to wait until visiting Arizona later this month to tell the rest of my family but I couldn't do it. While Kate was talking to my mom I kept nudging her to tell her while Kate looked at me wide eyed shaking her head no. She asked Debbie to hold on a second and covered the receiver to ask if I was sure. See telling my mom meant word would be out in full force from Washington to Arizona in less then two hours, so it was a tough decision. The trump card was that I wanted my mom to hear it from us and not whispered about from one friend to the next. Kate got back on the phone and passed on the good news. Debbie was stunned silent. I heard Kate ask "Debbie, are you there?" A couple more minutes of talk and the grape vine was buzzing. I went to play basketball and missed calls from my Aunt, my mom again, Kendra, and Mark. I got about 15 emails of congratulations and Kate and I wondered if we let the cat out of the bag too soon. From all the stories I have heard modern day pregnancy tests are very accurate. You more likely to get a false negative then a false positive so I think we are OK. Kate's parents have been on vacation and Kate wanted to wait and tell them in person so it wasn't until this past Friday that we got the chance. There was a plan to meet at our house for brekfast as Tom came in from Hawaii and I had a hard time sleeping that night. As much as I knew they would be so excited I still felt nervous. Kate and I spent the morning hiding the baby books and cleaning our apartment before Heather and Kris came over and I was sent to go pick up Tom. When Tom and I got back from the airport Kris greeted me with a huge hug and even bigger smile. She told Tom to get his cell phone and call Mandy in Hawaii. "But it's 5 in the morning there why are we calling?" "Tell her your going to be a grandfather" Kate said and Tom looked up confused. "But I was just there why didn't they tell me then?" Mandy's not pregnant, Kate is! It seemed to take some time to register, in Tom's head, what was being said. I guess the 14 hours of plane rides could be blammed for that. Once he did get it he came up to me and hugged me with full eyes saying congradulations, and Thank You! All my worries and concerns seem really silly now. The major parties know now and it some how seems infinitely more real and exciting. We are having a baby! Kate and I are going to have a baby!

Me, a father? Are you sure....

For the past few weeks I had been teasing Kate about being pregnant. She would come home and say our house stinks when I couldn't smell anything. She would send back sandwiches complaining that there were too many capers when others thought the capers were too subtle. She was nauseous and sensitive to smells and I was my usual caring and considerate husband, "honey you are so pregnant it’s not even funny." Well after a couple of weeks of this teasing we thought maybe we should check to see, you know just to rule it out and all. We went to Target with one of our left over gift cards from the wedding and joked and teased our way through the isles until we were in front of the array of different tests. We had a quick discussion on whether to get the high end test or the generic brand and settled some where in between. We took our box with two tests and some microwave popcorn and made our way to the cash register where Ethel, the 60 year old chain smoking night time check out lady was waiting for us. She eyed the pregnancy test, then turned her gaze to sweet young Kate, and then moved on to stare me down accusatorily. With pure scorn in her eyes she rang up the items and deducted the total from our Target Card balance and wished us a good evening. We made our way to Kate's parents house for a night of movies, microwave popcorn, and life altering revelations, you know your typical Friday night! Being the sensitive guy I am I immediately turned on the TV to see if there might be a game or two on, knowing full well that the Lakers were on ESPN that night. Kate wasn't too amused by this and promptly turned the TV off while she made her way to the bathroom for test number one. We read the instructions two or three times and it seemed simple enough, red line=pregnant, no red line=not pregnant, wait three minutes to be sure. Kate preformed the test and we set the indicator on the bathroom counter and tried to act like nothing much was happening for three minutes. When it was time we went into the bathroom to find out our fate. There was a light red line in the window and blood completely left my face. "Light red means no right?" "No James it means I'm pregnant" Apparently I had stopped breathing at that point because with a great deal of concern for my well being Kate instructed me to breath. My immediate first reaction was pure fear. I was scared to death, I thought I can't do this, I'm not ready, I don't even have a Job, or insurance, or or or or..... I tried to convince Kate that I was OK and that I wasn't scared, that I was excited but the pale look on my face defied my words and I could see the resolve on Kate's face, I could hear the strength in her voice, and I could feel the comfort in her touch as she told me we were going to be OK, and I believed her. After a couple of days fear and panic have turned into joy and excitement. We are on a roller coaster now and the car is slowly clicking up the beginning of the track. I can feel the anticipation building already, the joy and the fear and I am going try to make sense of it here if you don't mind. Follow along if you would like, comment when you can, stow your valuables under the seat and lock the seat belt the ride is starting click click click....