Yeah I got the memo, I just don't care

I think I have career ADD. I don’t know if there is such a thing but if so I might have it. Tough to be sure about these sort of things though, you don’t want to just go around self diagnosing serious illnesses like this. I am caught between wanting to stand out and do great job, being the best at not only my job but filling the cracks in other areas of the department as well and doing enough to be just OK. I seem to fluctuate between the two with increasing frequency lately. I just had to do a self evaluation for my yearly review and I found the whole process mildly amusing. I found out that it doesn’t matter what I say in this review or what my managers say either since I already received my small raise, which was decided upon at the budget meeting the year before. Without any monetary value to this process I’m really not interested. Also I found out that the scores on the reviews are essentially predetermined. There are 4 possible ratings you can get in each of the categories. SE – exceeds expectation, FM – fully met, AQ – acceptable with qualification, and LA – less then acceptable. Turns out that the powers that be will not accept any more then 2 SEs no matter what the manager puts. So the raise is predetermined before the year starts, and the scores are predetermined before the review starts all that is left is the fancy words that they write in each of the sections. I’m not interested in nice words, it might be the Ritalin talking here but that my backside has had all the smoke blown that it can handle. Really there is no benefit to being great, the only benefit is in not sucking so bad that you get AQs or LAs. Yet even knowing that I still find myself trying to really make a difference. That pesky career ADD comes up out of no where and I’m filling out my TPS reports in button downs and slacks. I need a higher dose Dr., the current prescription is just not cutting it.