This moment, here, now

With all of us up at 5:30 this morning we walked to the beach and watched the sun rise. Finn played int he sand letting the warm water run up to his feat and then running back up to where Kate and I were sitting with Henry. The boys slept great last night and we felt pretty energized to get the most out of these last three weeks together in Hawaii. My brother recently told me about how him and his wife were really content in the moment and that has encouraged me to find that for myself. That sense of being fully engaged in what is happening right here and right now and letting the future live a little out of the spotlight a bit. Like I said we are really keyed for that right now but we will see how long that lasts. Things like this need constant watering to grow.

Transition away from transition

Four more weeks in Hawaii and then Finn and I will be heading back to Portland. It has been a good and tough time in Hawaii. Working from home has been wonderful, seeing Jake grow and being part of this formative time of his life has been and honor but not being able to get away and having 3 kids 2 and under has been tough. We had grand plans of financial gains that have gone largely unrealized but we have had relational gains that more then make up them. It has been harder then we thought it was going to be but we would do it again in a heartbeat. As the time is moving towards our departure though we can't help but look forward to the new, to the horizon. We will be moving in with friends in a 5 bedroom house is trendy North East Portland. A block from the Max and a great park and walking distance to two Breweries, if that isn't heaven I am not sure what is. We are in for tough times working out our lives in the midst of another family. trying to learn the steps to a new dance when we all have different tunes in mind. As usual communication is going to be key, as is thick skin and short memories. For Kate the opportunity to set up house is what she is looking forward to most. To have rooms that she can't arrange and re-arrange is necessary for a sense of home and she is already diagraming our room without seeing the room. For the last couple of transitions we have found that things don't work out the way we think they are going to and we know this next one will follow suit. We want to be more aware of our expectations and how we manage and communicate those. We want to have more contentment in the now even if it doesn't look like what we imagined from farther away. We have found that contentment in Hawaii after some false starts and frustrations and I think we are in a good place going in. I hope more then anything that the transitions are coming to an end for a while. I have a terrible sense of displacement and want to find where I fit now. I'm ready to pause in the stream now, to let the silt settle so i can see the bottom, see where I have been and maybe get a better picture of where we are going. 

Thanksgiving Travels

Thanksgiving this year found us back in Iowa at Aunt Barbs house. We drove through the night to get there and had a wonderful dinner on Thanksgiving day. Naps, Wii, and pinochle were enjoyed and a lively game of spoons let a couple in need of new nails. Friday we got back in the car to head farther West to have Thanksgiving with Grandma Weezie and the McGrail clan. It was another wonderful meal and great chance to catch up with everyone. Finn got to play with some of the same toys that Tom Tom played with when he was Finn's age. Saturday the snow started to fall while we did some antique shopping and it continued through the drive back to Indiana. We are almost back home now, well back to Hawaii anyway, we will be back in Portland at the end of the year. We had a great time seeing everyone and getting some nice fall and winter before heading back to tropics.

Finding Fall

We have left the island to have Thanksgiving in Iowa, catch up with old friends in Ohio, and try and remember why we left Indiana again. We have replaced Tropic breezes with bitter cold and boardies for zipup hoodies. It is really great to experience fall and play in the leaves. To get a Pumpkin Spice Latte and cup it with both hands as the steam warms your face. We went in search of friends and fall and we have found and loved both.

Look at me daddy my daddy

"Look at me, LOOK AT ME HENRY, look at me." Finn says while guiding Henry's face towards his so he can sing to him. Finn likes to look you in the eye when he is talking to you, or singing, or kissing, or doing just about anything with you. He wants to know your listening, know that you can see him and understand him. He seems to be from an earlier time when things like that mattered, when men were judged on the strength of their handshake and the eye contact they maintained. I think Finn would have been as well liked back then as he is now at Aunt Barbs house for Thanksgiving. He is trying to tell the dog something and nose to nose as he looks the dog in the eye. The dog doesn't seem to appreciate the jesture as much as people do. Come to think of it Henry is not such a big fan either. I am a fan though, I love it when he grabs my face and turns me to look at him. Then that little hand lingers on my beard while he explains to me the difference between a tow truck and a tanker truck. I love seeing him try to get eye to eye with another kid to say hi to them or to apologize for taking their toys. I hope that trait sticks with him as he grows. I hope that he can always look people in the eye because he has the confidence and the clean conscience that it takes to do that. We just have to work on firming up that handshake now.

Other's stuff

There are other people writing and being creative:

Mark Wrote this, thanks Mark!

Kate wrote this, poor Kate.

Mark took these, nice pictures.

These kids are great

Life Guard on Duty

Mark and Kendra got in today and my mom and dad have been here since Saturday. It has been great having them here and the boys have been so great. Henry was a little unsure of Papa at first but has come around. He had no such problem with Grandma and loved her instantly. Finn has been a snuggler with everyone. Passing around the love to whoever will take it. We have gone to the beach more in the last couple of days then we had in the last couple of months. It's great having people to visit to help get you out of the house. We went to Sunset Beach on the North Shore on Tuesday and watched some big waves riders take on 15 ft waves. I had a sense being there that it was like being at Yankee Stadium or the Boston Garden. This is an epic spot where some of the best athletes in the world are preforming at such a high level. We have plans for Peral Harbor and snorkeling and all sorts of other activities so there should be some good pictures for those of you that are into that whole thing.

He's got Sticker Pocs

Fall Forward

Henry is trying to crawl, Jake is trying to walk, and Finn is trying to jump while running. There are breakthroughs afoot here in baby boy land and along with the season of visits there is real excitement in the air. We just said goodbye to Auntie Heather who despite her dislike of diapers was super helpful. She took on the kitchen as her domain and kept that thing spotless the whole time she was here taking a big load off of our plates. She also jumped into the favorite aunt lead with Finn. He loves his auntie Heather something fierce and still needs to have it explained to him where she is and why she can't take him to the Train store. Next up we have my parents coming with Mark and Kendra shortly behind. The boys will get spoiled and in turn Kate and I will get really spoiled as well. I can't even imagine what having four other kid loving people is going to look like, will I still have to change diapers? Will Finn still want me to read books to him? Will Jake still want to wrestle with me? We will see. After my family leaves we will take a trip to see Kate's parents in Indiana while Jake's Grandma Barbara looks after him. These boys are going to be impossible once we are all back together and the doting grandparents and aunts are gone home. I think we all need some doting though so Kate and I are more then willing to endure post visit breakdowns. Excitement is in the air.

The Fantasy is gone

At the end of the last Fantasy Basketball year I was pretty bummed. I got really upset about a comment by one of the other guys in the league and responded poorly. Then this new guy ran his mouth for the rest of the year while I sat passively buy not wanting to do anything dumb again. This whole league is made up of guys that I have known for 10 years or more except for this one clown. I didn't want to play any more even though we have been doing this for 15 years with pretty much the same core of guys. The off season went and I watched the national team play well for the first time in years and as we approached the start of the season I was feeling better then I did at the end of the season but not that much better. Since I was so terrible last year I had the best chance of getting one of the first picks and so I talked myself into playing any way. No sooner does everyone get signed up then Mr. New Guy starts running his mouth again and I immediately regret signing up. I have no idea how I am going to go the whole year putting up with this no talent ass clown and his comments like we grew up together. We didn't grow up together, you don't even know me. Then I find out that even though I had the worst team I don't get the first pick, or even one of the top three. I was pissed, I hung up on my brother when he told me. That's the thing about all of this, it isn't some passing thing. I love this Fantasy Basketball league as is testament by all the post I have made about it. It's changed though, or I have, either way it is no longer something I look forward too but it is still something I have passion for. Those are not sane bedfellows it would seem. I can't quit now but I don't think I will be as involved as I have been and that makes me really sad. I kinda want to cry right now and yes I know that is silly. But Carole King said it best: Something inside has died and I can't hide and I just can't fake it.

Thwarted but not completely

Yesterday in an effort to get to the gym we divided up the kids and started to get ready. I grabbed Henry and Went into Jake's room. Changed Henry's diaper and put some clothes on him while Jake bounced in his bed so excited to see us. Once Henry was dressed I put hm in Jake's Crib and pulled Jake out to change his diaper and get him dressed. With both babies in onesies and socks per gym rules we went into the other room Where Kate had got Finn up and dressed. I got my very stylish workout outfit on with Jake in Henry's baby cage and Henry on the bed properly pillowed to keep him from rolling off. Towels, diapers, water bottle, plugs, iPods, and membership cards gathered Kate went out to the car to back it out while I gathered up the babies again. Kate let out some minor profanity (which Finn repeated 3 or 25 times) as she walked back to the house. Jake's carseat is in Scott's car so we can't go. Gathering up the kids and parphenalia needed to go out is a mini workout in itself so Kate sent me out on my own. I think the thought is I'm the fat one and need the workout more. It was nice to get out with no kids even if it was to workout. I put the windows down, hooked up the workout playlist from the iPod to the stereo and enjoyed the view. Once at the gym there was one machine open on the end and I got on and got started. There are flat screen TVs with things like ball games and news and luck would have it that the two in front of me had Judge Judy and Some Headline News "Where's Caylee?" show. I tell you I couldn't care less about either of those two. Seriously, this is news. I'm probably a terrible person but how can you devot an entire show to that crap. It was a call in show too, so people were watching and calling in to get their two cents in. I turned up the music and powered through sweating like a madman. The workout felt good, exhausting but fruitful. Not the plan but a good hour away for me.

Dear Raiders,

The time has come for us to part ways. It's not you it's me. Wait that isn't true it's you not me. When we first started this relationship you were in L.A. with my beloved Lakers and Dodgers and then you moved, albeit back to where you came from, but away from me. You left L.A. for Oakland and I should have called it quits then. But then you signed Nip and I couldn't turn my back. But now after countless 1 0r 2 year coaches who have never had a chance to put their stamp on the team, and getting rid of the one coach that was any good, it is just too much. I'm breaking up with the Raiders for good. I have found another team. You had know this was going to happen when I moved to Indy. I got to go see them a couple of times, you were there for a couple of those games too. The civic pride, the fan friendly owner (that is if you ignore Baltimore Fans), the lack of violence in the stands and around the stadium. I've moved on Raiders, I'm with the Colts now. It's offical. I know you may think this is Sports Bigamy, once you pick a team as a kid that's your team for life but the rules clearly state is the team leaves or the owner is terrible you can leave. I'm well with in my fan right here and I hope you don't try to fight this. I will remember the good times; the Bo Jackson Monday night game, as well as the bad; the travesty in New England with M*$%^#F@#%$#$&% tuck rule. Let's keep our memories and say good bye.

Happy Birthday Jesse

I told Kate it was Jesse's birthday and Finn wanted to sing for him, well him and Grandma and Papa but really mostly for Jesse!

Timeouts = No more Trucks

When he is naughty he goes to timeout. He has a chair in his room that is his Timeout chair. When he screams, hits Jake or Henry, throws toys he goes to timeout. It didn't seem to be working, going to timeout means attention. We go in there and try to explain why he is in trouble and he gets one on one time with mommy or daddy. We are angry and he is meant to be punished but to him it as time of his own so he would try to go to timeout. We had to change it up a bit and not give him special attention during the timeout but that still wasn't enough. So e decided that toys would be taken away to reinforce the timeout. I explained to Finn about consequences, I kno he doesn't understand completely but you have to start and be consistent so we started. Do something naughty, go to timeout and get one toy taken away, and not just any toy a truck. The first day he lost 4 of his trucks, the next he lost 3. His toy box was getting pretty bare of quality vehicles. When we ran out of trucks we took away his stroller. We got to the point here he had no more trucks or toys of any kind that were uniquely his. Do we take away his books now? On Friday Finn had a good day. It was 3 in the afternoon and no timeouts for the whole day. We told him that if he made it to dinner with no timeouts he could have 5 trucks back. We had been given him trucks back when he did good things like coming when we called him or sharing with Jake but this was an epic day. He made it to after dinner with no timeouts and him and I excitedly went to the garage to the box where confiscated toys live and pulled out his five favorite trucks: The red pickup truck, the mail truck, the green jeep like Aunt Bum's, the cement truck, and the Gator. He also negotiated the release of his stroller and for the next two hours played with these things all ove rthe house. We didn't hear a peep from him until it was time to skype with Grandma and Papa. It really was great to get to reward instead of punish. Saturday was another pretty good day, had a timeout but nothing to bad and this morning I told Finn that if he goes the whole day without a timeout then he can all of his trucks back. The monster trucks, buses, transformers, and the rest. He got really excited thinking about he beloved trucks and ent off playing. I had Henry in my lap watching football at 7:30 in the morning and Finn comes up with his Mail truck and smacks Henry in the head above his right eye. Got him good, like they were in a bar fight. I immediately brought Finn to timeout where he screamed and tried to smack me. I sat him in the chair and he screamed with all his might. Meanwhile Henry was crying like crazy in the living room waking up Kate from her sleep in day. I went and got three trucks to take away and went in and let Finn know that he could no longer play with these anymore. He sat in timeout until he stopped screaming, almost ten minutes. I don't get it, why does he take a truck and nail Henry in the head as part of playing. He might have been jealous but he was getting just as much attention, I just don't get it. It has been a rough morning.

The new stutter

Finn has started stuttering in the last couple of days. He repeats the first word of sentence 5 or six times, sometimes more. It is heart wrenching to hear. I feel bad for him, worried, even a little frustrated sometimes when it takes so long to get out what he is trying to say and that makes me feel incredibly guilty. It is so strange how it all started about Tuesday afternoon. Before that he was spitting out sentences pretty clearly. He has trouble with his "L" and he replaces his "S" with an "F" but you could understand what he was saying and he was stringing a number of words together. I did some reading online about stuttering and toddlers and it is pretty common. Most sites say that all kids go through some form of stuttering as they are going through changes in the amount of words they know and the amount that they can effectively communicate. While it is pretty normal it could also mean that he will continue to stutter. I learned to let him get out what he wants to say without rushing him or anticipating. Then show that I understand him be repeating back what he said: "Maybe maybe maybe maybe get maybe get the truck off the table." "You want to get the truck off of the table?" It helps to have something to remember and reinforce so that I don't just feel helpless. We will wait and see how Finn continues to develop, he doesn't seem to get too upset about the stuttering and he powers through with what he wants to say.