Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Waiting to live

I was riding home one night a few days ago and I was mulling some things over that I had been feeling for a while without fully fleshing them out. I feel like I am waiting to live. Like I am making plans for the things I will do, places I will go, experiences I will be a part of in some mysterious future time. I am waiting for that time when I have more money to do this or that. When summer comes and I can get out and explore the neighborhood, city, Northwest. I am waiting for that time when Kate goes back to work and I come back home with the boys. When I will fully present in my boys lives and in my own. Waiting for X to happen so that I can enjoy Y. I was thinking how these thoughts are just traps that limit my world. They aren't plans for the future they are just excuses to justify some not living in the moment. Some other excuses like it's late when I get home from work, our money is tight, or there is nothing to do and no time are not untrue but they don't justify apathy. What ends up happening is that my world becomes TV shows, fantasy basketball and other limited escapes that end up taunting more then they satisfy. I am not sure how you break out of this really because there are some valid reasons for waiting. Also waiting is part of life, but i don't want to be waiting for something new when I am meant to be doing the things I was waiting for last month. This doesn't make any sense does it?

5 comments:

Turner Publishing said...

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ckalasky@turnerpublishing.com

Gnamish said...

Makes SO MUCH SENSE! I ask myself the same questions all the time! I also like to ponder: "If I die tomorrow would I be happy with the way I have lived my life so far..." This sometimes helps me to put things in perspective, and also to prioritize the plans that matter most.

- Ben

jamie said...

Look at grandparents.com and check out the portland info. There is a Thursday night free art thing. I can't remember but check it out.

Anonymous said...

Seems to me that all you guys have to do, Ben and James, is look at the beautiful little people you have brought into the world to know that you are both right were you need to be! raising them! Plus every other great thing you accomplish along the way! God know your every step, and I think he approves! kris

P.s, would it be Ok if I through Scott into the mix too, and then Corbett, and soon Mikie,Kryle, and possibly Mark too!!?? k

ben said...

Wow James, this really resonates with me also (so maybe we're both crazy?). Loved what you said about how these things are "traps" and "excuses to justify not living in the moment."