I was riding home one night a few days ago and I was mulling some things over that I had been feeling for a while without fully fleshing them out. I feel like I am waiting to live. Like I am making plans for the things I will do, places I will go, experiences I will be a part of in some mysterious future time. I am waiting for that time when I have more money to do this or that. When summer comes and I can get out and explore the neighborhood, city, Northwest. I am waiting for that time when Kate goes back to work and I come back home with the boys. When I will fully present in my boys lives and in my own. Waiting for X to happen so that I can enjoy Y. I was thinking how these thoughts are just traps that limit my world. They aren't plans for the future they are just excuses to justify some not living in the moment. Some other excuses like it's late when I get home from work, our money is tight, or there is nothing to do and no time are not untrue but they don't justify apathy. What ends up happening is that my world becomes TV shows, fantasy basketball and other limited escapes that end up taunting more then they satisfy. I am not sure how you break out of this really because there are some valid reasons for waiting. Also waiting is part of life, but i don't want to be waiting for something new when I am meant to be doing the things I was waiting for last month. This doesn't make any sense does it?