Jobs and the longing

The job search is going, though I am not sure how it is going. I mean until you have a job it really isn't going that well is it? There seems to be some interest in my silly list of accomplishments but not enough for an interview or job offer. I have started to hear from companies in Portland instead of Indy, Waco, and Phoenix so that is plus. My spirits are still high because I know that this is a process that will take some time. I'm trying not to think about my wife at her appointment, 18 weeks along and all is well, wondering where and when we will find a Dr. here. Trying not to worry about where we will live and if Finn will be OK until we get insurance again. That stuff is out of my control for right now so it is relegated to back burner concerns. I miss my wife and boy terribly. It is first thing in the morning when I feel it most. That time in the morning where you first wake up but don't need to get up yet. When I would find Kate in the sea of covers and curl up to her and wait for Finn to wake up. If I was lucky I would be pulled into sleep with her hair in my face and my arm around her. That's the way it feels, like being pulled into, falling almost and I miss that. I wake up now and reach out to find her, for a second forgetting that she isn't there, and longing is heavy on my chest and I catch my breath.