Oh by the way......

I don't know if I mentioned this or not but I have a son. His name is Finn. Just thought I would bring that up in case you weren't aware. Yeah that's him to the left, my son, Finn.

Yeah I got the memo, I just don't care

I think I have career ADD. I don’t know if there is such a thing but if so I might have it. Tough to be sure about these sort of things though, you don’t want to just go around self diagnosing serious illnesses like this. I am caught between wanting to stand out and do great job, being the best at not only my job but filling the cracks in other areas of the department as well and doing enough to be just OK. I seem to fluctuate between the two with increasing frequency lately. I just had to do a self evaluation for my yearly review and I found the whole process mildly amusing. I found out that it doesn’t matter what I say in this review or what my managers say either since I already received my small raise, which was decided upon at the budget meeting the year before. Without any monetary value to this process I’m really not interested. Also I found out that the scores on the reviews are essentially predetermined. There are 4 possible ratings you can get in each of the categories. SE – exceeds expectation, FM – fully met, AQ – acceptable with qualification, and LA – less then acceptable. Turns out that the powers that be will not accept any more then 2 SEs no matter what the manager puts. So the raise is predetermined before the year starts, and the scores are predetermined before the review starts all that is left is the fancy words that they write in each of the sections. I’m not interested in nice words, it might be the Ritalin talking here but that my backside has had all the smoke blown that it can handle. Really there is no benefit to being great, the only benefit is in not sucking so bad that you get AQs or LAs. Yet even knowing that I still find myself trying to really make a difference. That pesky career ADD comes up out of no where and I’m filling out my TPS reports in button downs and slacks. I need a higher dose Dr., the current prescription is just not cutting it.

Mates and States

With Kate and Finn in Texas I have a lot of time on my hands and instead of doing something productive I have edited these pictures with the states that Kate, Finn, and I have visited. To the Left is Kate's map. Below is Finn's and mine is the last.

I'm kinda sad tonight

Kate and Finn are in Texas visiting her grandma and grandpa and knocking out Finn's 11 state in 10 weeks. That has to be a record, where can we look this up. Anyway I am missing them a bunch tonight, not just them though, my parents are in SB having a BBQ with old friends and I wish I was there. Or I wish I was in AZ with my brother and our friends there. Or I wish there was something going on here but between vacations and theses writing nobody is around to do anything. So alone I sit in the living room, having watched a movie where the guy gets the girl, playing games on the computer and missing the people I love.

A letter to my boy

Dear Finn,

Last night you laughed for the first time. It wasn't just a smile, you have been doing that for a couple of weeks now, no this was a laugh from deep in your gut. You made your mommies night with that laugh and made me joyful to the point of tears for hearing it, and jealous to the point of tears for not being the one to see it. We were in Southern Kentucky, on our way home from a weekend of visiting Auntie Em and Uncle Logan in Tennessee. It was getting dark and we were stopping for dinner at Cracker Barrel because we had a gift card there and no money for anything else. We were feeling tired and poor and little sorry for ourselves and then you laughed. Then you laughed again and we were spry and rich. You made our night Finn, you did what nothing else good have done for us at that moment. The thing is you have been doing that a lot lately. Earlier that day we had lunch with Logan's parents and you smiled and flirted with Logan's mom and then went to sleep when our food came. Sweet, beautiful, angelic, such a good baby. We hear it over and over when we are with you and it never gets old. You are such an amazing little one Finn. You have already brought healing and joy, seen 10 states, and caused an international stir on Wall Street at the tender age of 9 weeks. I can't wait to see what else you have in store, while I enjoy each and every new moment with you. You laughed last night Finn and once again reoriented my world in a few seconds. Thank you. I love you. I'm so proud of you.

Dad

Not that there's anything wrong with that...

Last night we watched us some TV at home and then later with friends and the two shows we watched I really liked. It wasn't sports, or some cop drama with brief nudity but rather a show about dancing and another abour Fashion Design. When Mark and Kendra were here visiting Finn Kendra got Kate hooked on the show So You Think You Can Dance. Well fast forward a couple of weeks and now I am really enjoying the show too. I know the names of the dancers and their speciality, I watch in agonizing anticipation as Ivan the Hip Hop Dancer tries his hand at Contemporary (a noble effort but not good). Living with Kendra for a year had an interesting effect on me. I remember Jesse, Mark, and I going to the movies to watch some fruity dance movie and not wanting to admit that we all kinda liked it. Now I will admit that I really like a dance show. The afore mentioned Ivan will probably be voted out this week because people are much tougher on Hip hop dancers struggling in other genres then they are with Contemporary dancers struggling with Hip hop.

The other show of the night was Project Runway and that is just great TV. From Tim Gunn imploring the designers to "Make it work" to the lovely Heidi Klum this is an entertaining show, especially while drinking tasty Woo Woo cocktails. I thought that if I watched 3 hours of TV a week it would be a basketball game, or at least Sports of some kind, but my life now is dance and fashion. I am becoming more and more like Mark everyday.

Adventures and worry

Kate and Finn are on their way to New Jersey today and I am a little worried about them. I know they are OK and all but it's not easy working while they are off on their adventure. While I work and worry you should read this.

Saturday Morning with Finn

During the week I think about the chance to sleep in once the weekend comes. It is the yearning for things like sleep and time with family that help the week to pass. Now that there is a Finn here sleeping in is not what I think it's going to be. I did sleep later then I would if I was working by 30 minutes but I also went to bed 2 hours later then I would have if I was working so she don't add up. This morning Kate got a call from her dad to come finish up the week long process of getting our cars registered and insured. That left me with a wide awake and very happy Finn for the morning. We chatted about the Vegas and Orlando summer league, I agree with Finn that the Long Beach Summer League is a joke with only 4 pro teams involved, and had a contest to see who could make the silliest face. He always gets me with the one the picture up on the right. We then went to the living room so he could nap while swinging and I could check up on my corner of the internet. Nap finished Finn woke up unhappy with the temperature of the room and told me as much. We clothed him up and walked to the neighbors to take in the morning humidity. We are now back at home waiting for mom to come home and a bottle to warm. Finn is back in the swing patiently waiting for the afore mentioned bottle. It is odd how the idea of sleeping in helps me get through a work week when the real joy is morning like this with my boy. I guess I hope for the small and glory in the divine.

All things grow, all things grow

Each evening I participate in an exercise of making the city bigger. The larger the buildings become the closer I am to home and to Finn and to Kate, my Kate. When I walk out the door of my office the thoughts of work and the day are left on that doorstep and I immediately start thinking about how many stops, turns, cars, miles it is until I get home. I thought the anticipation to see Finn would be the biggest tug but it is not, it is still Kate. I think that is probably selfish more then anything, she chose me, Finn didn’t. Finn doesn’t even recognize who I am. He knows my voice for sure but not me. By the time he has a choice in the matter he will already have grown accustomed to me. But Kate knew me and still made the choice. As I get to the exit and I can no longer see the tops of the buildings without straining, my heart and foot are heavy with anticipation. I get to see my beautiful soon, to grab her and kiss her and hold her and hear her voice confirm for me that I am home.

One Month and all is well

Finn had his One month Dr. visit today and here is what we found:

• He weighs 11 pounds 4 ounces
• He is 22 1/2 inches tall
• He won't get Hepatitis B any time soon
• He eats a bunch and that is why he is gassy and cries hysterically some times at night
• The fact that he is gaining weight is a good sign that he isn't sick (Kyle concurred on this diagnosis and will have sage advice like this on his new website www.dr.kylesadvice.com

It is always good to know that your kids are healthy and that things that you are seeing and hearing are completely normal. Next appointment has a lot of shots coming his way, daddy might not be there for that one.

New clubs, same old swing

I got a little bonus at work and with a little of that money I bought a starter set of Golf clubs. I have a couple of bags of clubs but they are older then I am and I wanted to get something with not as much rust. Yesterday I got my first chance to go out golfing with my new clubs and it was a rough start. First I went to the driving range to get a feel for the sticks and every shot was a wicked slice to the right. Kate gave me a couple of tips “Arms straight back, not like a baseball bat!” “Butt down like your sitting on a stool” which helped and I was off to the course. We had a foursome of my father in law Tommy, his neighbor Bill, Andy who we picked up at the course, and myself.

The first hole I teed off last and promptly forgot all of Kate’s advice and sent a screamer into the parking lot. I took a drop and had a good enough second shot to be up with the rest. The next hole was an equally bad drive and I wanted to cry. What the hell was I doing here with these guys, I suck at golf and I am just holding them back. They wish I would do the proper thing and fake an injury so they didn’t have to suffer through my horrendous hacking. At one point Bill told me I had the swing of a professional, a professional basketball player. Good Times! After sucking it up for the first 4 holes I finally got a leg up on the mental game and just said screw it, “You suck, so what, just have fun and try to get better.” From there on I started hitting the ball a lot better. I followed a short drive to the right with a 200 yard second shot to the green with a makeable putt for birdy. I limp wrested the putt and finished with a Par and then put the ball back where it was and sunk the same putt.

Meanwhile as I was getting a bit better everyone else was playing surprisingly bad. I was the worst one out there for sure but not by far. Bill is a good golfer that suffered from rust but knew how to talk the game. He would say things like “Let go of it wind!” when you sliced it, or “Looks like your dancing” when you got to the green. He made our fourth, Andy feel at home by saying something apropos one each of his drives. Andy was a 6-4, early 40’s black man with an African accent. He had a cart while the three others of us walked and he would speed ahead to find each of our balls. After 4 hours and an 18th hole at twilight we left the course tired and happy. It was a fine way to spend and evening and there were plenty of great shots to look back on fondly.

8 AM bottle rockets

It seems it is tradition for the Gnome household to shoot off bottle rockets in the early mornings through out the July 4th holiday season. People complain every year, like I did this morning, but it is their right to do it. Wars were fought so we could shoot off our boom booms when ever the hell we want to. When I think of my grand father in WW II or my dad in Vietnam I know that was in the corner of their mind, an unalienable truth that they were fighting for: the right to make loud noises early in the morning to show we love this country. I mistakenly thought that if I pointed out that each time one of those bottle rockets explodes over my house my month old son jumps and starts to cry that they would move to the back yard. I am never one to impede anyone's right to their early morning rituals, I was just wondering if we could move the festivities 40 feet away. Well I was lectured on rights and told that I should call the police if I didn't like it. It was actually just one of the Gnomes, Richard, that was angry with me for trying to stifle his boom boom joy. Chris the kid and Terry the one who did such a marvelous job mowing our lawn when the mower broke seemed to think moving to the back yard was not too much to ask. It seems they are all afraid of Richard though and so stood their ground, only Chris looking at me with an apologetic nod to Finn who was in my arms. I reached out a hand to Chris and gave him a slap-shake-lean gangsta shake and told him we were cool. I knew this was out of his hands and wanted to let him know I understood. As I walked back across the street he shot of his last two and told Richard he was done. Richard came out and shot of some more to prove his point but stopped after that and went in the house. I want to be mad at him but he is so obviously ravaged by alcoholism that it is hard. I told him he was a good man as I left, partly because I believed it and partly because I hoped it.

Her first miracle was tonight

It's 1 am on Sunday night, or Monday morning depending on how you count it, and Finn has just gotten to sleep. He was super worked up tonight for some reason and would not calm down to eat. My saint of a wife tried to feed him as he screamed and then thought to use a bottle. That calmed him down enough so she could go from the bottle straight to the source. Kate really is amazing with Finn. She continues to sooth him and laugh with him even when he is screaming for what seems to be no apparent reason. Those times are very seldom and we know that we have had a very nice and mellow time of things so far.

House Update: Back Porch

Here is what we have done with the back porch. We need to prime and paint it but other then that it is finished. My dad and brother did the lions share of the work and the finished product is more then Kate and I had hoped for. I think the bathroom is on deck now and upstairs is in the hole.

Bath Time