Zen and the art of Child Rearing

It’s the middle of the third quarter and the Lakers 4 point lead has turned into a 9 point deficit in the last 3 minutes. Smush is bringing the ball up looking to the sideline to see if Coach Phil Jackson is going to call time out. This seems like a dumb move since I know he’s not going to call it, the other team knows he’s not going to call it, hell the cheerleaders preening on the sideline know he’s not going to call it. Phil doesn’t call time outs in that situation because he wants the guys on the floor to work it out themselves. He has been like that through all 9 championships, 4 books, and countless wins so he might be on to something.

As I’m yelling at Smush through my computer screen Finn is screaming in the other room. It is close to midnight and Finn has been having a rough go at it this evening. I have been in and out of his room most of the night and he calms down for a couple of minutes but then winds back up. Kobe kicks the ball out to Odom for a jumper and 2 points and then the Lakers steal the ball and score again. They are working it out themselves just like Phil knew they would and I think I need a little more Zen in my child care. Finn needs to learn to work things out himself as well. I don’t need to call a time out right now and go soothe him, this is an opportunity for him to expand and learn how to soothe himself. So I watch the game and tell Kate it’s OK, let him work it out when she wakes up and starts to go to Finn.

After about 45 minutes of Finn failing to work it out himself Kate finally gets up, gives Finn his bottle and puts him back to sleep where he sleeps soundly through the night. In the morning Kate asked me why I let him cry so long and I told her about the Lakers, about Phil Jackson and his Zen coching style. I told her I was letting him work it out, not calling a time out, giving Finn the opportunity to see he had it in him all along. Kate rolled her eyes at me saying rather patronizingly “So your taking your parenting cues from a basketball coach now?” Then kissed me on my forhead and said “You’re an idiot honey.” As she headed off to bathroom I knew she was right. Then I thought: I wonder how John Wooden would have handled the situation.

Finny's Prison Scar

Finn worked one of his teething biscuits down pretty good before biting into it and breaking it in half. He spit half of it out and the part left in his hand had a fairly sharp end on it. While bouncing in his Jumperoo and trying to get it back in his mouth he scratched himself pretty good from just under his mouth to up close to his eye. His reaction was a quick head shake and toss of his biscuit as if he were some ditching his home made prison shiv after knifing another inmate. The scratch has since healed but he looked pretty tough for a couple of days.

The in between times

Over the past couple of weeks we have had some good snow fall to make the scene lovely but the getting around a pain. I have become an expert in getting stuck and unstuck in snow banks and come to appreciate a lot of the neighbors that I thought had hid away for the winter. People materialize out of nowhere when you get stuck, all the while talking about the blizzard of 78 when things were really tough. Finn loves being outside in the cold so we get him in his snow suit and sit him out on the porch while we get ready. As soon as he sees the snow suit he starts grinning and kicking his legs like crazy, I think that is baby for "Jackpot!" The snow makes it more difficult to get out and walk and the worry of getting stuck in our un-plowed alley makes driving a chore so we sit at home mostly. Playing, sleeping, eating, and playing some more fill most days as I plan the things I want to do when it warms up a bit. This seems to be an in-between time, a time of forced rest and solitude before a more hectic time. It is odd that the more crazy and busy Kate's work schedule is, and right now it is really busy, the slower my days are. I read a 400 page book in two days between Finny naps. I'm really enjoying this time.

The All-Star Cure

When ever Grandma Kris takes Finn for the day I find myself in a funk. I don't realize it at first but I start to slowly get bluer and bluer until I'm in a full fledged depression. When Kate asks my what's wrong I say "nothing". It's not true but I am not trying to be uncommunicative, I just haven't realized that anything is wrong. Kate has realized and when she keeps pushing it I get frustrated. This whole scene played out this past week as Finn spent Wednesday night through Friday evening with Grandma and TomTom. While Finn was gone I did very little with my free time. I read a bit, did some work for the paper, caught up on all things NBA, and laid around a lot. With Finn gone I am not sure what I'm doing home. If he is here then I am taking care of him, but when he's gone I am just lazy. When I was working and I had a day off I didn't feel this way but some how being a stay-at-home parent changes my perception as it does for society as a whole. The hardest thing to reconcile is that whether Finn is there or not my JOB is taking care of him. When Kate is off work she is not unemployed, and converesly when Finn is away I am not unemployed either. This seems like a simple concept to grasp but it is proving to be much more difficult for me.

Kate and I had a long talk last night getting to the bottom of this and other things. During that time I realized that there was something wrong with me when Kate was asking but I couldn't pin point it at the time. I also realized that I need to have a plan for when Finn is away, and I need to make that plan before he leaves or else I will find myself slipping back into no-Finn funk. Most importantly, to Kate anyway, I need to communicate what's going on even if I'm not sure what it is yet. When I'm depressed Kate assumes that it has to do with her and my refusal to communicate just confirms that diagnosis for her. So to recap: come to terms with my new Job, plan for Finn's absences, and communicate more.

But what does any of this have to do with the title? On Thursday night I got the chance to play in a basketball tournament at Church. I played on the Fountain Square Team and was the only one on the team that actually played basketball. We were severely spanked in the game but had a lot of fun in the process. Due to some lucky shooting in the first half we were only down by 9 points at halftime. The deficit quickly climbed to 30 early in the second half and hovered there for the rest of the game. After the game each team picked an all-star from the opposing team to play in the Sunday All-star game. I was picked from our team. One of the teams in the next game was short players and so I played for them as well and continued to shot really well. After that game I was chosen again by the other team. It felt really good to be an All-Star, to be chosen by the opposing team. It was a small tournament with over half the participents playing their first ball in over 10 years but it felt good to do well.

On sunday I played in the all-star game and did well. I wasn't the best out there but I competed and when it was over I didn't feel depressed any more. I felt good, I felt successful. I know it is silly but that basketball game was what I needed to break out of the funk. Once out of it I could talk for a long time about the hows, whys, and whats of it with Kate.

Snow Day

Finn and I stayed inside today as it snowed

Congradulations Colts

Finn and I tried to get inside the Dome to see the Colts but we had a stroller and they weren't allowing strollers in the building. We arrived at 3:00 because we thought the team would be there by 4:00 but they didn't get in until 7:00. By that time we were warmed back up in our house enjoying left over wings from our Superbowl party the night before. It was incredible being in a Superbowl city for the weeks leading up and the game itself. The city was a buzz with Colts pride.

Bath Time Finny

Finny enjoying his nightly bath. Notice when the water goes over his head and he goes stiff at a board. This is his reaction to water, wind, washclothes, basically anything touching his face.

Something stinks in Indy

For the second year in a row I watched the Lakers come into Indy, play lackluster basketball and leave with another loss. And for the second year in a row I watched Kobe have a horrendous game. Now I know that one game does not a season make but I get one chance a year to watch my team play and it is becoming an annual craptastic display of futility. Last year on the way to the game Kate fell down right on her pregnant belly, we got to our seats late, and the Lakers lost by 20. This year Finn and I were early and Kate met us at our seats up in the nose bleeds. Finn loved the pregame intros and would bounce with joy at each explosion that went off for the Indy players.

The first quarter was typical Laker stuff with Kobe spreading the ball and guys open jump shots. Odom finally took it to the hole 5 minutes in, I think he heard me up in section 210 telling him to grow a pair and attack the basket. On defense the Lakers could do nothing with Jermaine O'Neal. He was getting great post position and handing the teenage sensation his lunch. Early in the first it was J.O. 11 Lakers 5. Things settled in and the Pacer lead stayed at 5 for most of the first half while Kobe started his house brick by brick. Side Note: There is no such thing as a Kobe stopper as Nanny man has proved time and time again, but there are guys that play Kobe tough: Kirelenko, Bowen, Igudola, Prince. Really if Kobe is on his game he can't be guarded by one or even two players. That being said the young Danny Granger has been involved in 4 crappy Kobe games in two years. That is all of the Pacer-Laker games in the last two years by the way. One crappy game is an off night for Kobe, two crappy games is the Lakers not knowing enough about a Leastern Conference team that they only play twice, three crappy games and you start to think maybe Granger is a good defender, four crappy games and the term Kobe Stopper needs to be looked at. As soon as it is Kobe will go for 60 on him and end it but until then let the talk start to heat up. I will be at the game again next year and for the weeks leading up to it I am going to be posting on every Laker forum out there that Danny Granger owns Kobe. Kobe can't score on him. Granger is kryptonite and it would be better to just start Mo Evans at the 2 and let Kobe play point for the scrubs cause that is what he is reduced to around Granger. Don't like it Kobe, then do something!

The Lakers went up with a great close the the Third Quarter but then came out in the fourth and really sucked it up. It was tough to watch but still nice to be at the game. I love basketball and I love going to the games and watching stuff like Smush and Shammond Williams dancing to one of the songs over the P.A. while P.J. is yelling at Bynum. I love watching Granger with his head down and hand over his heart, still moved by the National Anthem like this isn't the thousandth time he has heard this song. I loved watching the Fans give it to Kobe for choking again in Indy and the Kobe pretending to sign the ball and throw it to the guys.

Other Random Notes: Vlad Rad played with a lot more energy then I have seen from him. He looked like a Rookie WNBA player instead of the 10 year Veteran WNBA player he has looked like in the recent past. The Lakers miss Luke Walton I think more then they even missed Odom or Kobe when he is out. Luke just makes things happen and facilities so nicely. Nice seeing Shammond Williams get some tick, though he was in there for less then two minutes. J.O. reminded me off Rasheed Wallace back in the day when he played for Portland and the Lakers could not stop him down low to save their lives, yet he some how thinks that he is a jump shooter and creeps farther and farther from the basket and the Lakers get back into the game. I used to Love that about Portland!

Well that's enough on that game, not sure that anyone besides Kyle cares as much about this as I do and he doesn't read this anymore. Hey Lakers, thanks for taking a dump in Indy for the second year in a row!

I've lost a Finn

A couple weeks ago in a Christmas recap post I mentioned that Kate and I started a diet. I was feeling pretty crappy at the time but once I added coffee back into the mix it leveled out. Well as of yesterday morning I weighed 228 pounds. That is pretty big for a six foot guy and still well over the recommended weight but it marks a 21 pound loss from the start of the diet. I was just a hair shy of 250 when we started and even that seemed better then the weight I had in my mind. Since Finn has arrived I have really been trying to change my eating habits. I am trying everything again with a fresh pallete. I want Finn to be an adventurous eater and to model that I have learned to even enjoy broccoli! Kate and I are eating a lot fresher food and I have stumbled through preparing better and better meals. I don't feel like I am any skinnier and I still have a belly there in front of me but I know that I am doing well. 21 pounds is not an insignificant amount, it is about what Finn weighs. When ever I pick him up know I think about that and he seems heavy.

Tax time joys

I sat down in front of the computer with a fist full of W-2's and 1099's and set about doing our taxes. I had heard that the first year doing taxes with a kid is usually pretty nice so there was some excitement in the air. As I as going through entering in the information I came to a road block, no social security number for Finn. The tax man says no sosh, no tax credit.

So today I set aside for getting Finny a SSN. First I forgot his birth certificate as I was taking Kate to work. I thought I was going to go straight over from dropping her off but I had to run home first. Car running, baby sleeping a ran inside with visions of Car Jackings running through my head. Finny and the car were both still there 15 seconds later when I came outside and breathed easier. It was 15* outside with a gale blowing putting my favorite weather index (windchill) at below 0. Sweet sassy molassy that is cold and as we walked form our parking spot to the government building Finn was doing his "My chest hurts and I can't breave" imitation over and over again. We waited for 30 minutes and got up to the counter only to find out that we need his shot records. Man I love these government agencies, no word of that in the phone call I made. Off we went to Finny's pediatrician to get his shot records but she wasn't there and the nurses sent me back and forth from one end of the building to the other a couple of times before 45 minutes later they handed me paper I needed. Back to the Social Security office with an even longer wait we finally got to the window with all the necessary documents to find out that Finn has a SSN already. The hospital filed the paper work for it but that information was never sent to us. I got the number, went back home and finished the taxes, getting one thing accomplished from my list of over twenty. On the bright side we are getting money back.

Edgar Allen Poe House

Can anyone tell me what the hell is coming out of my walls here. There is this brownish red sticky substance oozing down the walls where an old chimney has been closed in. My first thought was blood from a body stuffed in the chimney for not paying a gambling debt, but that is probably just an active imagination. It probably has more to do with a domestic disagreement brought on by a drunken husband stumbling back from the carry out bar on Shelby one too many times and his wife trying to set him straight with the frying pan. Kate thought it might be from the flashing around the chimney but that seems a little far fetched to me.

Relaxing Weekend

For a nice quiet weekend back from the Northwest we thought we would relax by driving 5 to 6 hours up to Madison Wisconsin. Well more riding then driving if the truth be told. We hopped in the McGrail RV and met up with Meg and Mike at the now familiar half way point hotel. It was a nice visit we a baby that travels like a champ. He slept well in his pack-n-play and Kate and I got to stretch out in a King Sized bed. A king sized bed is nice in theory but Kate cuddles up to me where ever I am in bed negating the roominess of the royal bed. Along with the pinochle and hanging out we made a stop off at the Disneyland of Habitat style, Ikea. FYI Sunday is a great day to stop off at Ikea in Chicago. You get a chance to see well over half of the residents of the city in one place, you can’t beat that! We made it out of there with a receipt under 3 bills an RV load rugs, frames, and bedding that will no doubt lead to hours of re-arranging at home.

An aesthetic experiment

I have changed the look of things around here because Finn was with Grandma all day and I am easily distracted from doing my house work. So the house is a mess and the bags of clothes and books are in the garage instead of at the Goodwill but there is a new look to my silly diary. If only Kate would see how much work I actually did do today!

Fishing for Rohls

I was born in the Pacific Northwest where fishing and logging are more part of your birthright then learned behavior. My parents met in a town between Portland and the coast on Highway 30 called Clatskanie. The town was named after the river that flows through town to the Columbia River and also the name of a Native American people that were wiped out by small pox, fever, and intermarriage. The town started to grow under the financial support of Simon Benson. Mills and the Benson Log Raft lead to growing logging industry in and around Clatskanie and that, combined with the Salmon Fishing on the River, brought the Finnish to the area.

What, do you ask, has this got to do with anything? Nothing really, I just enjoy the beginnings of things and during my recent trip back to see my parents and whoever else we could find I was thinking of those beginnings. I was thinking about how I have had a number of different jobs and never really settled into a specific field of work. Then I thought of my dad and the different jobs he had. There is a thread of construction that he comes back to now and then but really he has spent as much time out of that industry as he has in it. Then I thought of my Grandfather and the stories my dad told of him never having a steady job to speak of. He made due with nine kids and took in whoever needed looking after like they were family, but not on a steady pay check. My uncles seem to have all embraced this sporadic approach to work as well and it makes me wonder if there is something hard wired in our DNA. We are all extremely hard workers and seem to really do well at what ever field we are currently tilling but it is a matter of time before we will be in a different field. That sporadic, nomadic nature makes my family tough to find at times and this recent trip had us on a trolling run for family.

We loaded Finny in his borrowed car seat (thanks Crystal) and my parents and I set out to see as many Rohls as we could. Heading West of 30, just out side of Westport we stopped to see Brett "Maverick" Rohl, the youngest of the 9 kids. He wasn't there of course, recently paid and with his on-again-off-again girlfriend. Seems the "paid" and "on-again" were linked. Undaunted we headed to the coast where my Grandfather "Papa" and uncle live. Papa wasn't home and his phone was off the hook all day. Stan "Skeeter" and Randy "Pablo" weren't around either so we headed to Astoria. Finally in Astoria we found my uncle Steve. Steve is an anomaly in the family in that he doesn't have a nickname that everyone knows him by. He isn't the only one but he is the one that my brother and I are closest with so it seems strange. We sat and talked to Steve and looked through old pictures and letter my dad and Tom sent from Vietnam. It was good to see Uncle Steve and reminisce about childhood fishing trips and killer bees. From Steve's we went and saw uncle Kelley "Beaver". Beaver has become the the uncle that we see the most because he seems to have the most stable life. Where some of my uncles seem more like strangers Beaver is family and I love him deeply. Last year my uncle Tony died and it sadly had no effect on me because I didn't know him. My uncle Tom is the same way, I can't remember the last time I saw him and I'm not sure I would recognize him if he walked by me.

We saw two out of the six remaining uncles before heading back to Clatskanie. We didn't see Papa, I really wanted him to meet Finn. It was a typical fishing trip though: a couple good catches dispersed around lots of disappointment.

Unexpected Visit

About a week before Christmas I was talking to my parents and really missing them. They were supposed to come for Thanksgiving but could not due time and finances. They both sounded sad when I talked to them as they wondered when they would get to see their Grandson again. After getting off the phone with them I called Kate and asked her if Finn and I could go out to Oregon to visit them. With that I started getting ready for the trip. I got a cheap ticket online, when your travel time is flexible you get great deals, and conspired with my Aunt to pick us up from the airport. The day we arrived Portland was just finishing up a surprise of it's own in the form of a big snow storm. The 45 minute trip to the airport took my aunt and uncle 2 hours in thier little car with no chains or snow tires. We slowly made our way back to Clatskanie and decided on the best way surprise them. We would leave Finn on the doorstep in his car seat, and hide after knocking on the door. With Finn set and the door banged, I hid around the corner. Both my mom and dad came to the door and looked down at the boy. Neither one recognized him as my dad said "hi there little guy". Then after about 20 seconds Bing says "That's Finn". My mom stood there stunned and disorientated as just last week a baby was left on a door step in Portland and it had been all over the news. The grin on my dad's face got bigger when I came around the corner and my aunt popped up from her hiding spot, my mom on the other hand just stood there, mouth open, stunned. I wentup and hugged her and she just started sobbing. They had been surprised indeed.