a different perspective

I was reading through a couple of things that I wrote about a year ago but never posted here. There are things that don't get added on to the blog for whatever reason, usually edited for language, but that I keep around anyway. These two items were interesting to go back and read more then a year later to see how things had changed:

Acute Beat Dull Anyday
April 9, 2008

The redheaded one got some shots yesterday for turning two months. Happy Birthday little man, here are your shots! Needless to say he wasn't happy about it, he was pretty pissed. When I got home from work he and the blond one were asleep so Beautiful and I had a quiet dinner with Charlie Gibson. Soon both boys would be up and while the blond one was happy and dancing the red head was super pissed. He was oscillating between just crying and screaming bloody murder. I tried to take him upstairs and soothe him but it wasn't working. Not only was he not being soothed but something was happening to me in that time that just brought me down. We have recently relocated from Middle America to the Northwest mostly on my leading. We moved for a number of reasons but one big one. Beautiful was going to go back to school. She didn't get in and now those number of reasons are missing their leader. I feel like I screwed up, like I am to blame for us leaving and her not getting in. It is hubris at it's highest I know, but I still feel to blame. It seems that the waves of painful scream from the red head were hammering home my failure and I was left feeling empty. Beautiful thought I was mad at her, and I thought I was fine but I couldn't snap out of it. I was finally able to put some words to it in bed that night and in so naming releasing a bit of it's hold on me. I guess I know that I am not to blame and that the little reasons are all still valid. I don't feel as down and empty today but I'm also not shiny happy people yet. I envy the boy with his acute pain and valid complaints. he will get better, the pain will subside and he will smile at me again.

Rambling
April 5, 2008

We have been in a new town for 8 months now but it seems we still haven't found our place. The whole reason for moving seems to be no longer valid and yet here we are. There are times when I think everything happens for a purpose and that God is in control moving the chess pieces of our lives around with a grand plan. I guess I really do believe that at heart but I don't buy into the whole giving up any culpability for the decisions we make. It may be part of God's grand plan for us to have moved across the country but it was our decision and us who are accountable for it. I guess this gets to the heart of my faith. There is this underlying faith that there is a God, that he cares for us as a people, and that he is involved in our lives daily whether we recognize it or not. But then for most of my day to day I don't really live that out. There are a number of people in my life that would say that kind of faith is not really faith at all. That unless it is lived out it is inauthentic. I don't think that is true but I don't really know. I do know that I would like to feel a little more connected to the place that we are at. When we first moved East we didn't feel connected to the new place until after a devastating miscarriage. We decided to stay somewhere that we thought we were leaving and quickly made great friends and built a strong community. I wonder today if the same thing will happen here after some recent bad news. I wonder if this was all part of God's plan for us. I wonder if we made a mistake leaving.

beautiful and her boys

happy me day

Beautiful made me and my dad a shirt with the boys silhouettes. It is kinda awesome even though it looks like they are squaring off for a no holds barred battle royal. Beautiful seems to think that is a bad thing that it looks that way but I see that as a feature. I got to sleep in until nearly 11 after a late night of partying, err..., going to the Drive-In. When I got up we went to The Cup and Saucer in Kenton and had a tasty brunch. After brunch Finn and I went into a great little bookstore in old Town and I got a book on Beginning chess so I can get me some culture. Chess is a smart people game so I am going to fake it till I make it. The boys don't know about the contrived holiday yet but they were very loving. I got to lay down with Finn as he woke up from his nap. He counted the freckles and moles on my arm as he told me stories. We had a nice dinner on the back porch with my sister Zonda, brother in law James, my mom, and our housemates. It was a really nice day, thank you Beautiful!

night at the movies

Saturday night after dinner and baths for the boys we drove down south to Newberg to find the closest Drive-In. One of the things that we loved most about Indy was the trips to the Drive-In with our friends the Beelers and though we are no where near finding the closest Beelers in Portland we did track down the outdoor theater. We arrived way to early not knowing how long it would take to drive 25 miles South West and we did not bring shoes for the boys. We thought that they would be in the car or on our lap, well thought is a little strong. The truth is we didn't think and just forgot shoes. We watched Night at the Muesem and The Hangover. Henry made it about 5 minutes into the first movie, Finn made it about an hour into the first movie and Kate and I made it all the way through. Some hightlights of the night include Finn talking to the folks in the car next to us, as can be seen in the picutre above. We asked him to leave them alone and he said "I'm killing them mommy, I'm killing them!" We asked what that meant and he said Papa says it "Your killing me Finn." He was making them laugh and making us laugh to. Henry enjoyed the popcorn and beverage that we all finished before the movie started as can be seen in the picture below but the best part of the night was the guy that came over the radio to tell us about the movies. He rambled on about who was in the movie and what it was about with no real idea where he was going. He talked to all of us like we were all friends "You remember Amy Adams from Enchanted right, we loved that movie as you did I'm sure." "look out for some boxers tonight in the movies, George Foreman will make and appearance, as will Mike Tyson and Mr. T" Kate asked me is Mr. T was really a boxer and I said no, but he played one in RockyIII so he was close enough. It was really great in a kind of drunkin rambling way. The guy came back on during the intermission to tell us his favorite parts of the movie we just saw and to get us into the snack shack for some refreshments. We made it home at about 2:30 in the morning but it was a great night. If your night patronizing your local Drive-In you are really missing out.

Double U O M A N

Last night for dinner we had a great Smoked Salmon gnocchi with asparagus out on the deck. A nice Rose wine and some fresh bread rounded out a great meal. We were out on the desk sitting on the benches Beautiful made and eating off the table she made as well. There was an old door behind the house that she built a base for and put the two together for a long deck table. Cut roses from our front yard and a table cloth that was purchased for my birthday party, then lost, then found days later completed the presentation. Now we are all about tweaking traditional gender roles in our house what with a stay at home dad and shared cooking responsibilities but Beautiful seems to be taking it to whole new level. She is both the traditional man and the traditional woman leaving me wondering what she needs me around for. Before we got married she worried that I would make her wear long flowing dress and bake cookies for the bible studies in our basement but it seems much more likely that I will be clearing out that basement so her table saw and serger will fit with the welding machine and boxes of ribbons. The truth is I love it. I love the creativity that comes spilling out of every nook and cranny of that house. We are just as likely to have a new piece of furniture as we are to have a new painting in the guest room. The boys have the shirts Beautiful made them as they play with the parking garage she made out of left over wood scrap from the addition she put on the back of the house. She does so many things better then I do but sadly, in our kids eyes, there is one thing that Daddy just does better and it is a big one. When it comes to Saturday morning pancakes there is no competition. I have a gift for slap jacks as my little brother still calls them, and try as she might she can't get rid of me just yet. She wants those pancakes, she needs those pancakes. I'm safe.......for now.

hey brother

This past weekend the boys and I went to my parents to give Beautiful a free weekend. While we were getting ready to leave Finn tackled Henry and started pushing his head into the ground. Henry was cool with it for a bit but then it started to hurt and he got super angry. It made me so mad that Finn would try to hurt Henry like that but Henry immediately wanted to be in the room where Finn was in time out. He didn't want Finn to get in trouble. In the car on the way Finn grabbed a book of animals and started reading to Henry. He asked him what sound a cow makes and when Henry did his best moooo Finn got so excited and said "That's right Henry, good job!" and reached over and stroked his face. I was as moved by that scene as I was by the head smashing and I could see that they were totally brothers. They will have the toughest fights and the closest bond and will continue come back for more. I thought of my brother and how close we were and still are and I felt excited for these two. They are just in the beginning of their time together and there is so much in store for them. If they don't kill each other first.

taking a crazy day

The blond one had a tough day today with ear problems and some other issues that had him half crying half screaming for good portion of the morning. The red head being the sensitive little man that he is joined in the course with his own sympathy cry driving Beautiful to the brink. I came home early from work and took over so that could go to an appointment and try to reboot after a tough tough morning. The thing is though that the storm had been weathered. The kids I inherited were not the same ones that had driven Beautiful crazy. I think she was happy for the break but also secretly bummed that they were not as hard on me as they were on her. I got home in time to give them naps after dosing the blond one up with some medicine and then listening to music down in the basement. After naps the sun broke through and we got out and about returning books and movies. The Blond one wanted me to drop him off at the corner so he could play with his friends. The Red head and I stayed on porch and played. He tried to walk down the stairs again and again took a nice tumble. It was one twist and one flip, a 6.3 degree of difficulty and when he stuck the landing it was only the Russian judge that stood in his way of a perfect score. He cried for a minute and then just laid on my shoulder for another ten minutes while I made sure that he was still awake. He's got a nice purple bump on his head and a scratch on his ear. The next time he came to the stairs he turned around and backed his way down from about three feet out. I'm glad that he's learning a bit from all these falls. Hopefully he can get the lesson before he deforms his head so bad he won't be able to wear t-shirts cause he couldn't get them over his giant noggin. Hopefully the time away will help tomorrow for Beautiful.

it's fantastic!

It turns out the NBA finals and my boys are engaged in an epic battle for my attention and while I love Finn and Henry like they were my own kids the Lakers are involved in these Finals. The Lakers! It all started easy enough with my watching the first quarter in the basement. Henry was asleep and Finn went with Beautiful to the store. I even got some time with my dad as we endured a truly terrible first period. My dad had to get on the road so he left and I went upstairs to wake Jesse and watch the second quarter with him. Finn came home a ball of energy but was mostly placated with trucks and trips downstairs to find more toys. At Halftime we paused the game and enjoyed some tasty home made nachos. The third quarter found the boys getting baths and me settling in for the meat of the game. Finn came up first naked as jay bird and most likely on speed. He was bouncing around the room and climbing all over me. He disappeared for a minute and then came back up with Lakers jersey on, but no Chonies yet. A fact he made clear to Uncle Mark over iChat by flashing him. The fourth quarter found Henry up there with us, naked as well. Who's in charge of getting these kids some clothes? It is a nail biter down the end and with 1:40 left and the score tied at 84 it gets fun.

• 1:32 Rashard Lewis nails a jumper to put ORL up 86-84. At the same moment Jesse find what he believes to be poop on the couch. After a quick look it is indeed poop care of Henry and naked bottom.
• I grab Henry and run downstairs to get him clean and to get a freaking diaper on the poop machine while he screams at contorts his body to fight the shackles of diapers. I miss Kobe hitting an 11 footer to tie and Hedo taking the lead again on a long two pointer.
• I run down to the basement to see if we have upholstery cleaner and nearly miss slipping on more poop on the stairs. There are little deposits on three straight stairs. Apparently he had the crawling poops or he left himself a trail in a twisted take on Handsel and Gretel. Either way I missed a Gasol layup with 33 seconds left to tie the game. I heard it as I was cleaning the stairs.
• Heading back up from the basement I throw away my napkins of treats and Beautiful puts a still angry Henry down for bed.
  
• I run upstairs to get Naked son number two while Courtney Lee misses a layup with 10 seconds left. Lakers Ball 10 seconds to go, Time Out. It's about time I catch a break!
• I get Finn down in the basement, mostly because I want Jesse to enjoy the game even if I can't and partly because I can't look him in the eye after my son grew a tail on his couch. They just don't make a Hallmark card for that situation.
• In the basement we get Finn clothed and watch Kobe get blocked from behind on the would be game winner by an all of sudden good defender in Hedo. Sitting on the edge of the table roughly 4 inches from the TV I watch in horror as Hedo lofts a great pass to a wide open Lee for a layup that some how does not go in. Thank you rookie!
• Overtime starts with pleas from Finn to play trucks with him. Not gonna happen little man but you can come here and watch basketball with me. He declines. Kobe turns the ball over for the seventh time and I jump up and explain to the TV my displeasure. Finn looks confused and tells me that it hurts his ears when I do that. I tell him that it hurts my eyes when Kobe does that.
• The Lakers play well in OT and with huge games from Odom and Gasol hold on for a 2-0 lead in these Finals. I put Finn down to bed with a kiss and a long hug and resettle Henry who is no longer unhappy but not yet asleep. They are good boys and I love them deeply. But we might need to get them little Hannibal Lecter masks for game 3.
  

10 random things you need to know about henry

Here are some things that you might need to know about Henry:

• When he's upset he lays on the ground crying with his mouth open and directly on the floor. He does it indoors and out and we are not sure why.
• He eats roughly twice as much as Finn does at this point.
• When it comes to stairs Henry thinks he can walk down them but he can't, he can scoot backwards or roll down them headfirst and lately he mostly rolls down head first.
• When the music starts Henry gets a good head bob going then looks at me and cracks up.
• He doesn't so much run as he speed walks with his shoulders hunched and his belly out. He is surprisingly fast.
• His favorite toy is whatever Finn is playing with, he likes to steal it and then cry when Finn tries to get it back.
• He's got some new words that he is saying: mama, daddy, papa, fffffaa (that means Finn), ball, jesssa (that means Jesse), wow, oh no, and weak side rotation. OK that last part wasn't true but he thinks it's funny when I yell at the TV during Laker games. He shakes his head at Trevor Ariza for not rotating to the guy in the corner when the ball swings out of the strong side trap.
• Henry is mostly through his putting things in his mouth phase, except when it comes to dirt and sand.
• Sadly he is no longer the red headed one, though that will be what I call him when I talk about my kids. There names are too hard for me to remember

Taking a basket

Finn has been practicing his jump shot lately with help of Henry's high chair and some Rod Stewart. It doens't get any more gangsta then that.