I am not enjoying church at all and I don't want to go anymore. There I said it. Now maybe this cloudy malaise will get caught in another jet stream and blow away from me. Probably not though, I think it is my storm to weather at the moment. This isn't what I thought Church would look like for me.
For the past couple of months I have been looking forward to church the way I looked forward to dentist visits as a little kid. I knew I had to go but I couldn't think of the reason why. Don't get me wrong I am still a Christian, I completely believe in the tenants of Christian faith if not the way they have been lived out over the years. I see the value of Church service and the institution of the Church but sometimes it all seems so boring to me. Kate and I are part of Church Plant from Redeemer Presbyterian Church in downtown Indy called New Deal. I like the idea of this plant but the realization of that idea just seems to be the same old thing. Being a child of the Vineyard this whole Presbyterian thing is very different for me. Most of the time I am scanning through my bulletin trying to see how many minutes are left until I can leave without raising any eyebrows.
I'm not sure how to reconcile the idea (which I like) with the practice ( I don't like) just yet and most the time I feel like I am being selfish or that I am looking for something akin to a momentary high like Lenin's opiate for the masses. Other times I feel like I longing for something that I know others are longing for as well.
Monday, May 08, 2006
I've had questions without answers
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4 comments:
Have you asked any of the others if they are longing for something they are not getting? Have you talked to anyone besides us about this?
I haven't talked with any people from New Deal yet but I have talked about this with friends a bunch. I am still working things out, bouncing thoughts around my head like a basketball in an old gym, trying to find the dead spots in the floor
I've been there...praise God I'm in an awesome church now where the Spirit is so present. But I know the feeling. I think there's a few things to this.
First is we have to realize it isn't just a personal attitude you have here. God's spirit really is powerfully moving in places and isn't in others. It isn't spiritually pc to say it, but it's true.
If that is realized then the next thing is individually and corporately to not be satisfied with that. We know His spirit moves out of prayer and devotion, a people sold out. If it isn't happening in the church, then seek small groups within the church with people who are burning for more.
A core group of sold out passionate believers within a dried up church can be a powerful witness inside that building. Those people have the Holy Spirit in them...they just need it stirred up...don't we all. I'm not saying anything you don't already know of course...just encouraging you, I know it's frustrating.
What an awesome friend you are Kyle. God Bless You!!!!
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